The human concept of love, the single fundamental emotion famous for binding the entire species, was used yesterday as part of an advertisement for ‘Toilet Blast’, a nice-smelling goo used to clean bathrooms, in an advert aired during hit ITV game show Take Me Out last weekend.
Love – famously featured in Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet and Woody Allen’s Annie Hall, and described by Voltaire as ‘a canvas furnished by nature and embroidered by imagination’ – was used to promote the mixture of sodium hydroxide, disinfectant and synthetic fragrance in a way that has become acceptable in this twisted world that has somehow come into being.
In the advert, the product – used exclusively to clean residual fecal matter from toilet bowls – is held by a mother who smiles as small joy-filled child runs up and hugs her, while her nearby husband smiles a smile of familial bliss. “You love life”, a voiceover says. “Don’t let a toilet bowl stand in the way.” The woman is then revealed to have aged into an older woman, and hugs another small smiling child, presumably a grandchild who also defecates regularly.
“I liked the advert”, said Monica Ahmed, 32, from Hackney. “I like how it made it look like the woman was loved by all, and made me think that if I were to buy the product then I, too, could be loved. Maybe if I had been using Toilet Blast last year my boyfriend wouldn’t have left me, and I wouldn’t feel this unshakeable sense of emptiness.”
She went on to scrub the enamel furiously, her hot tears steaming as they came into contact with the powerful alkali that makes “Toilet Blast” such an effective product.