Prince George inducted into global lizard cabal

William and Kate wave to the massed crowds of human slaves who gathered to celebrate the happy occasion

William and Kate wave to the massed crowds of human slaves who gathered to celebrate the happy occasion

Prince George has been inducted into the cabal of reptilian life-forms who run the world in a private ritual that took place in London yesterday. The small, intimate service is held for all inter-dimensional beings who exercise complete control over global events, and dates back to when the reptilian Illuminati first enslaved humanity.

The ceremony was attended by a select group of world leaders, all of whom possess the ability to shapeshift at will into giant lizards. However, it was not open to members of the public. “The Royal Family simply wanted the privacy to enjoy this deeply personal moment as they all rip off their human skins and feast on the blood of virgins,” explained Nicholas Witchell, BBC royal correspondent.

Prince George wore a miniature version of the traditional hooded robe, specially designed by Stella McCartney to fit his little reptile claws. His first attempt at shapeshifting reportedly saw him maul a footman to death, as his proud parents looked on with beady reptilian eyes.

“It was a moving experience for everybody. Takes me back to my own initiation, all those thousands of years ago,” said one anonymous UK Prime Minister, briefly flicking his forked tongue out of his mouth to remove a spot of blood from his tie. After the service, the reptiles retired to Clarence House to control the global stock markets over afternoon tea.

The global lizard cabal are notoriously private, and have not yet shown their true forms to members of the public, choosing instead to appear as humanoids when opening schools or hosting charity events. However, Royal insiders are saying Prince George’s ascension to the throne could herald in a new Age of Terror where lizards will rule openly by force.

“Look at his adorable face!” said an enslaved human waving a Union Jack, as the terrifying inter-dimensional lizard concealed inside a baby’s body gurgled.

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