Lord Rennard releases small poetry collection instead of apology

Lord Rennard once again surprised the Liberal Democrats today when he issued a small book of maudlin love poems instead of the expected apology to the women he is accused of harassing.

Skin tight shirts
Knee-length Skirts
What am I do to do
With all these flirts?
Lords knows
This lord hurts
But do they know
How my heart burst?

“I really thought that every time I started stroking the leg of an incompliant woman that it was the start of a beautiful relationship. I cant believe that this has been so twisted to make me look like the bad guy!” said the tearful Lord. “I just hope that by releasing this collection of my heartfelt poetry I can set the record straight.”

Lord Rennard’s poetry expresses a deep loneliness of the soul that may go some way to explaining his actions, paired with a nuanced exploration of pastoral themes in British literature that art critics are said to be surprised and delighted by.

The taxis don’t drive way out here
You don’t know where to walk my dear
Now finish your drink and come near
(so I may whisper in your ear)

Lord Rennard closed the launch of his collection with a heartfelt appeal to the women affected: “It is only right that I apologise, sincerely, that you misunderstood my intentions. I’m truly sorry you came into my life, broke my heart and were too stupid to realise when you had a good thing. There are you people happy yet?!”

To escape this pain that truly burns
Of a soul that only wants to yearn
For a girl that willing to learn
Just how much this Lord earns
So no, I will not apologise
Not until you recognise
The pain that I despise
As I wish for my demise

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