Tensions were running high in 10 Downing Street this week as David Cameron struggled to make progress with EA Sport’s flagship British Government 2014 title. The Prime Minister was heard shouting from his study “God, this is impossible!” before hurling his controller at the screen. “Honestly, they’ve designed this so no one can beat it. You can’t restart from the beginning, the save points are so sporadic, and it just keeps raining! Ugh, so unfair.”
Sources close to Cameron suggest he initially underestimated the difficulty of the underwater level: “Oh, it’s just Somerset. Easy…what’s that, like 50 houses or something? Just turn on the pumps and lets get back to the NHS.” However the rising water levels have reportedly not responded to Cameron’s selection of the ‘photo op’ weapon.
“If this gets any closer to London my political health will plummet – that level’s boss will slaughter me easily,” remarked the Prime Minister. “I should have saved my ‘money is not option’ booster until later. Now I’ve ruined all my good work in the welfare state levels.”
Though the British Government series has garnered controversy in the past few years, hardcore gamers are still lining up to play, with Boris Johnson, Ed Miliband and Nigel Farage all posting helpful walkthroughs of the most difficult levels on national news. However, the Prime Minister is said to be concerned that he won’t get the controls back if he lets them join in.
“I shouldn’t have spent all the money on the High Speed Rail expansion pack, now I don’t have enough villagers to build flood barricades!” added Cameron. “If only I had allowed more immigrants into the country in earlier levels then I would have someone to do the grunt work. Wait. The soldiers don’t have wellies? Bloody hell! And I thought the ‘riots’ level was hard”.