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David Bowie heartbroken he missed One Direction at Brits

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“This was my one chance to give Harry a demo tape of my new track”

Following his absence from last night’s Brit Awards where he won Best British Male, David Bowie has revealed to Underground Magazine that he was ‘severely distressed’ to have missed meeting One Direction, who picked up the Global Success award.

“I may have become a global icon through ground-breaking music, dramatic persona changes and flying in the face of the prevailing social norms of the day, but these five young men are very cute.” said the ageing rock legend.

“I’ve got to face the fact that I’m not getting any younger – chances are I may never get to meet them in person now,” he added, thumbing through his homemade One Direction scrapbook.

Bowie had planned to break his self-imposed media exile to see the 1D boys perform lukewarm karaoke versions of other people’s songs but was unfortunately busy creating musical masterpieces that will likely be listened to for generations to come.

Upon hearing that one of their biggest fans had been unable to make the show, One Direction reportedly sent Mr Bowie an autographed bottle of their critically-acclaimed perfume ‘Our Moment’ (available from Asda for £19.99). “Now I can smell like Harry every day!” said a clearly overwhelmed Bowie as a single tear of glitter rolled down his cheek.

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