Street parades and fireworks have greeted the two thousand and fourteen hundredth annual “What-About-The-Men Day,” which aims to celebrate the fact that there aren’t enough days celebrating men, and male history, and all the great things men do that feminists are ruining.
Organisers say that today’s celebration is especially poignant, following yesterday’s revelation that one girl in Somerset got accepted into Oxford University, taking a place away from a presumably more qualified boy, and the shocking case last week when a woman successfully walked through a crowded high street without even once being catcalled or physically assaulted.
“This is just our chance to stand up for our basic human rights as men,” said John Wallander, Head of STRIKE-BACK, a charity devoted “To making it OK for a husband to punch his wife if she starts acting like a bitch, because surely that’s what equality is, equal punching”.
“Did you know that men are 22% more likely to be crushed by the weight of their accumulated stacks of gold bars, 30% more likely to die from heart attacks caused by the stress of their powerful jobs in the city, and, shockingly, 70% more likely to get run over by by flashy convertibles in the car parks of the exclusive golf courses that only they are allowed to join? It’s time someone took a stand!”
The day has been marked in London with a street festival along the South Bank, along with a lecture series to mark the three core messages of WABTMD 2014 – “Most Rape Allegations are False”, “Equality has gone too far,” and “Child Support is Bullshit”.
“This is a great day for men, and by extension, humanity,” said Wallander, surveying the scene.
“Anyway, I have to go now, my wife’s waiting at home and if I’m late for dinner again, she’ll go mad,” he added. “Nag nag nag, you know how it is. That’s why today is so important.”