Onesie regretted

onesie-students2A new report indicates that onesie-wearer Callum Mathews deeply regretted his decision to wear a hilarious onesie twenty minutes into a night out with friends last Saturday. “I thought it would be banter, you know, something the lads could joke about,” said Mathews, referring to the full-length zip-up Batman jumpsuit, “maybe I misjudged the evening.”

Witnesses said that Mathews seemed elated after all his friends shouted “Waaaaaaay!” when they initially saw him. However, he began having doubts about the hilarity of his garment choice when everyone lost interest in the joke. It was only then he realised that the onesie didn’t have any pockets.

“It’s really hot in this thing,” said Mathews, sweat dripping down his brow. “I thought we were going to go out on the lash, but everyone wants to go to Wagamama first.  I spilt ramen all down my front and now my crotch is wet and stinks of chicken.”

“I’m going to look ridiculous,” he added, referring, once again, to the adult-sized babygro styled to look like a children’s comic book character that he had actually chosen to wear out in public, where other people could see him.  “Well, at least I will be in loads of the club photos, everyone is going to wanna pose with me.  Right?” he added desperately.

At the time of going to press, Mathews had been refused entrance into four nightclubs, lost his phone and his keys, and was being kicked to death by a large group of feral youths.

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