The 2014 Budget will not all be bad news, with the announcement that the government will be producing a single new £1 coin to be shared between all 63 million UK citizens.
“We recognise that austerity affects hard-working families across the UK,” said George Osborne in his statement. “This is our way of giving something back to you.”
“Look at this coin,” he added, as he fingered the new dodecagonal coin. “Look how shiny it is! And just think, a 63 millionth of this coin will be winging it’s way into your bank account – if you vote Conservative at the next election.”
The new £1 coin, whose design and manufacture is estimated to have cost the treasury £2.4 million, is expected to kickstart Britain’s recovery, with retailers across the UK eagerly awaiting the increase in spending by consumers. “I’ve got some extra Freddos in,” said one local newsagent. “If a consortium of 12.6 million people club together, they could use their share of the pound to buy one.”
Liberal Democrats are delighted by the move. “We’ve been working all year for this rebate,” one senior Lib Dem commented. “OK so we had to compromise on NHS reform, increased VAT, and cuts in the top rate of tax. But when a hard working single mother sees that £0.000000016 in her bank account, she’ll understand why we went into this coalition.”
“Maybe she can spend it on tuition fees,” he added.
Labour have criticised the new coin. “The Tories promised to cut the deficit, but this is a distraction that shows their reckless fiscal irresponsi-Oh wow, that is actually really shiny and cool,” said Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls, as he watched Osborne slowly twirling the coin through his fingers.
Public sector net debt now stands at around £1,254 billion + £1.