April Fools’ Day is a time for newspapers and other large corporations to enjoy themselves and report complete nonsense to the public that could never come to pass in the sensible, sane universe we live in. Here were some of our favourites.
The Guardian tried to convince its readers that the 2013 privatisation of Royal Mail, a 500-year-old public institution, was massively mismanaged. The story by ‘Rupert Neate’ (made-up name alert) claimed that the shares were initially massively underpriced, ending up costing the government around £750m in just a single day and resulting in massive profits for private investors.
This story from the Daily Telegraph claimed that one-time host of Have I Got News For You Boris Johnson was Mayor of London, one of the world’s largest and most important cities. If readers still didn’t get the joke, his supposed recommendation that an airport be built ‘in the middle of the Thames Estuary’ was a dead giveaway.
According to the BBC, US Secretary of State John Kerry came out in favour of action on climate change, claiming that waiting was ‘truly unaffordable’. Climate change was a particularly popular hoax this year, with an intergovernmental panel of thousands of scientists getting in on the joke by releasing a ‘detailed report’ on the supposed threat to the human race.
The jokers at Reuters tried to have us believe that Turkey yesterday fired into Syria after mortar shells hit a mosque, and that tensions in the region were high. Our favourite part was the suggestion that Assad had sent ‘militia’ backed by ‘air power’ to the Turkish border and that ‘heavy fighting’ ensued.
Chuckles all round at the Daily Mail, where we had this little gem about a man killing six other men with an ‘extremely powerful’ gun from over half a mile away. The story also claimed the sniper who ‘couldn’t be named for security reasons’ (of course) who watched the other men explode in front of his eyes was just 20 years old, which was a nice touch.
The world is a horrible mess and we’re all going to die alone
Just kidding! We threw this one in to keep you guessing – everything’s fine! Go back to your work! APRIL FOOLS!!!