Morrissey ruins Twitter for everyone


“The twitter bird certainly does sing a grey and dreary song.”

The founders of the social media giant Twitter have agreed to shut the site down after former Smiths frontman and activist Morrissey created an account.

After joining early yesterday with the account @itsmorrissey, the Mancunian singer composed one tweet (released 2014) which was received very well by critics before taking a hiatus. His second tweet (also released 2014) was also a commercial success, but failed to garner the acclaim of his earlier tweets.

“The whole point of Twitter was to create a Morrissey-free space,” commented Dick Costolo, CEO of Twitter. “A place where people could converse free of that self-righteous hippie. But now that he has found us, we will have to shut it down and find somewhere else to talk. Perhaps we could all go back to MySpace?”

Morrissey himself appears to have been equally unimpressed by twitter. “The twitter bird certainly does sing a grey and dreary song,” explained the Smiths singer in a deep warbling tremolo. As @itsmorrissey is still only following his own record label, analysts have speculated that he has the most boring twitter stream in the history of the site.

In the wake of Morrissey’s revolutionary two tweets, Twitter stocks have plummeted to an all time low, with some industry analysts blame the crash on algorithmic trading systems specifically designed to sell if the former Smiths frontman joined any company.

A new social media site has mysteriously taken off today which appears to be essentially the same as Twitter but with the enhanced feature that Morrissey can never join.

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