not the economy

“It’s not the economy, it’s you.”

"Also, you put your gold DofE award on your CV. I mean really??"

“Also, you put your gold DofE award on your CV. I mean really??”

I’m sorry, there’s no easy way to say this but well, it’s not us, it’s you.

You know, these are tough economic times we’re living in. There are thousands of competent, qualified and capable graduates out there, struggling to find work. However, you are not one of them.

We know you’re probably not going to blame yourself for this, instead you’ll probably blame the forces of capitalism or the low weight society places on true creativity. But please, trust us, it’s none of those things.

Your masters degree in late Ottoman textiles, whilst impressive in the sense that all inexplicable and frivolous things are impressive, is simply of no relevance to the positions you applied for. In fact it is hard to see how it could be relevant to any positions other than those that require you to assess the merits of old Turkic tapestry work. And there aren’t many of those, probably.

It seems you may have come to believe that learning enough things for enough time and then being given a magic piece of paper to prove it, will have made you a desirable employee. In case it was not already clear: it doesn’t.

You’re probably thinking: “Well, there are plenty more fish in the sea, I can just apply to other places”, but we ought to inform you that there really aren’t. In the literal sense, overfishing has greatly reduced the numbers of many once-common species. In the metaphorical sense, recruiters aren’t interested in graduates with fluff degrees and absolutely no experience in doing actual work.

Look, I know this has probably all seemed a bit harsh, I can tell you’re upset. Listen, let’s just be friends: how’s about a nice, long, unpaid internship?

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