The US military was thrown into confusion today after being told to drop food packages, rather than hellfire missiles, over Iraq.
“We are not equipped to deal with this situation” one senior official commented “With bombs, you know where you stand – drop them from 2000 feet, 20,000 feet, they’ll still blow up the hospital you were aiming for. But apparently, if you try and launch ready meal from the stratosphere into a bunker at 10,000 miles an hour it just disintegrates.”
“And what happens when we drop half of it over an Isis military HQ because it looked like a group of civilians?” he continued “It’s a logistical nightmare.”
Military personnel were further perplexed “I was reading the ingredients in one of these things,” one soldier said “And there’s no mention of white phosphorous at all – it’s mainly vitamins”. “I don’t understand,” he continued “How can we bring stability to the region if we aren’t dropping any bombs?”
“I mean, what even is this?” he frowned, staring at an emergency pack of crisps “Some kind of daisycutter?”