Manchester United Fans

Man United seal £70m deal for NY Yankees’ Derek Jeter

Manchester United FansIn another classic deadline day twist, Manchester United have claimed the signature of New York Yankees outfielder Derek Jeter, for a fee believed to be in the region of £70 million, subject to a medical and personal terms being agreed.

“This is a great sign that the club is willing to spend to win back a Champions League spot”, said Sam White of the Manchester United Supporter’s Trust. “Jeter’s a 14-time All Star with a .310 batting average, and those are numbers other Premiership players simply don’t have.”

With Louis van Gaal looking likely to stick to his preferred 3-5-2 formation, and Jeter being a man who has spent his career exclusively hitting, throwing and catching baseballs, his role in the side has yet to become clear, but with Manchester City rumoured to be preparing a bid, United chose now to make their move.

But despite the marquee signings of Jeter, Radamel Falcao, and Ángel di Maria, van Gaal warned fans “not to expect miracles. It can take players two, sometimes three games to adapt to the Premier League. It’s a very different league. Di Maria started slow, and so will Jeter. But soon they will improve, because I will tell them to do that, and they will do what I say. I am Louis van Gaal.”

Jeter was seen ambling around Manchester’s Piccadilly Gardens this morning, staring at the broken down big wheel, confused at the odd course his life seems to have taken.

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