UKIP to join ‘Howling Void of Evil’ EU parliamentary group


UKIP leader Nigel Farage has defended his decision to ally the party’s European Parliament contingent with a howling cloud of disembodied evil.

“This pure, screeching rift made up of the darknesses and shadows of the human soul is an entirely fit partner in our political cause,” Farage said at a press conference yesterday, groping vaguely inside the cloud with one of his hands. “Granted, there have been one or two unsavoury apparitions at the peripheries of the shadowy void, but I am confident that its pitch-black, pulsating heart is an entirely responsible collaborator.”

Political opponents and civil society organisations have criticised the void, however.  Critics point to the fact that it literally represents all that is worst in the heart of man, having erupted spontaneously into being during the end days of the Second World War. UKIP aides have fought back against the claims, maintaining ‘the cloud’s links to evil have been greatly exaggerated.’

At press time, Farage was reportedly considering an occult ritual of blood sacrifice designed to petition “The Unspoken Nine”, a shadowy cabal of demons, for a grant of three additional MEPs.

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