Allah thanks Hebdo Jihadists for ‘having his back’


In an exclusive interview with Underground Magazine, Allah has thanked the French Jihadists who perpetrated the massacre at the satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo. He noted that while he is all powerful and all knowing, doing something himself about a group of ageing cartoonists was way beyond him.

“Thank goodness for the unemployed French youth,” said the deity formerly responsible for all creation, the sun and the sky, the earth and the sea. “Without ex-pizza delivery men enacting the will of God, who would?”

“I mean, I guess I could have tried libel law, but that’s so expensive and I just don’t have the time.”

Allah also offered up several other tasks which he would like supporters to carry out for him, adding that the long hours were really starting to take their toll and his devoted followers should be shouldering more of the workload.

“God is great, but God is also busy. So it would be awesome if one of you lone wolves could pop out and get me a Burrito.”

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