Nation already blaming policies of next Conservative government on Nick Clegg

Voters across the country have begun the process of blaming the catastrophic policies of the next Conservative government on Nick Clegg.

Even after the news that Clegg has stepped down as Lib Dem leader, most people agreed that they would continue to blame him for everything that’s gone wrong with the country.

David Cameron has already condemned the ‘scandalous’ past record of the Lib Dems in government since 2010. “Nick Clegg oversaw a programme of devastating cuts that hit the vulnerable hardest,” said Cameron. “And he’s going to screw everything up again.”

Beyond politics, a number of high-profile court cases have resulted in acquittals after defendants pleaded that it was really Nick Clegg who was to blame for their crimes. “It’s a convincing defence,” said barrister Holly Farmer QC. “We used to blame society, but now we can blame Clegg.”

Pope Francis also referenced Clegg in a recent address at the Vatican. “One of the greatest mysteries is why God allows suffering,” he said. “But the answer is that all suffering is Nick Clegg’s fault.”

“It’s just easier this way,” said Teresa Buhari, 23. “This horrible mess we’re in is just the state of our disfunctional political system. It’s unfair to blame any single party or politician who isn’t Nick Clegg.”

“Oh great, we’re out of milk again. Thanks a lot, Clegg.”

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