Tony Barker of Islington today relaunched his public persona to much acclaim from long-term acquaintances. Previously known for his virulent outbursts of hateful bile, Mr. Barker has rebranded himself as a loveable yet out of touch oddball.
“People used to think that Tony was just a miserable, twisted, racist bastard. But now we’ve realised he’s just an endearing, if grouchy, eccentric,” said Nigel Braithwaite. “He means no harm really, he just grew up in an age when they didn’t know better than to treat members of ethnic minorities like subhuman scum.”
Some have claimed that the fundamental equality of all people has been known about for centuries, and that growing up in the 1960s was hardly ancient history. “Mr Barker’s graphic verbal abuse of the local shopkeeper last week doesn’t just disappear now he’s decided to rebrand,” said one critic. “Basically this whole makeover stinks. It’ll be business as usual down at the bus stop on a Saturday night when he’s had a few ciders.”
Braithwaite has defended Barker’s new persona. “This is an exciting new development for eccentrics everywhere. It’s just a different way of viewing his actions. You say ‘hate crime’, I say ‘minor faux pas’. Maybe the real racists are those who want to tell an old man that it’s not OK to smear excrement on somebody’s door…maybe.”
Mr Barker declined to be interviewed by this magazine, claiming we were part of the Zionist liberal socialist media, a claim which would have smacked of dangerously ignorant anti-semitism last week but is actually kind of endearing when you think about it.